Fake love or real hate

I just find it crazy that a nigga lost all the people I did this year and I ain’t cry in nobody lap about it . No shorty cared enough to even make sure a nigga was good and that’s why ion even get caught up too much . Women don’t like nor love you. Because if they did they wouldn’t get caught up trying to prove points with you. A nigga hurt bad y’all . I lost my cousin tubb in a car wreck high speed chase with the police . Shit fucked me up man see my cousin Buck hurt bout his lil brother like that man . I lost my old friend cam in a car wreck on my nephew birthday June 1st. Shit fucked me Up because it showed me dying aint got nothing to do with you being good or bad . My dawg cam was the best of us man . Nigga never did nobody green . My nigga cam used to come get ya and drop ya off and only ask for 5$ gas money man. Shit fucked me up seeing cam pops at the funeral man because that shit not right . Cam really died in a wreck man . My brother M-Rob died from fucking Pneumonia when we was just together in the super bowl . We was supposed to link man and niggas ain’t ever gone get to link . My brother Haaji died and they claim my mans hung himself . I don’t believe you did that shit until this day and if you did bruh I’m super duper mad bruh . Look at all this shit Im writing about now . On top Of a my child being played with . On top of my funds being up and down. On top of hoe problems and my parents divorce problems . A nigga ain’t stop fighting bruh . You ain’t hafta do that shit man . My grandma died and I cried for all my homies more than I did for my own grandma. My grandma lived to see her Son make it out the hood , all her kids have kids and grandkids, and see one of her grand kids graduate from college . I think she died so peacefully and happy that it make my day she ain’t gotta deal with life . My brother Jollyce . I was supposed to see you on a Monday man and I just ain’t slide to paparazzi bruh . that’s why a nigga going to do for my patnas and brothers any time and show up just because I couldn’t even see my brother no more . I think all of this sums up me being caught in this funk I be in Now a days . Where a nigga be trying to just will my self to the next day . Go thru the motions . Sometimes just make enough to get by. This whole year a nigga kind of been thinking I wanted to be with some of my dead homies but a nigga wanna do it for the young niggas who wanna be all of they selves . I’m trying to get my book done but ya know I wanna get my poetry books rolling because they so dope. But I need somebody to just let me know shit gone be okay . Because nobody don’t do that . The Shit gone be okay though . I can tell my self that but I mean who gives af enough about a nigga to make sure I believe that? Nobody . A Nigga cant even fall asleep in these women arms at night so ion have night mares . But I can buy and get fly and get you in a section and it’s fine but I just wanna feel it once . Days before my ex Alexis died man we smoked . And she gave me 7 dollars man on some weed I just ain’t even care about . And that just sticks with me today . Because we gotta cherish people’s Love while we got it. My brother jollyce told me our last time in chic together, “Boy AP I love ya boy I just want you to know that“ and I can’t even hear it again , get no bag with my nigga again and I just don’t even feel like anything I’m getting now is as genuine as those two tokens of love right there. A nigga gets conditional love at best man . Forreal. A nigga need love though . Not even want it cuz I can do without it , but we all need love . Love makes us win man. if we feel like nothing then what will we grow into ? That’s why we need love. Love waters us, heals us and makes us grow into the best version of our selves . And everything else has done all the shaping it’s going to do in my life . I need love‘s shaping now to fine tune my dreams .