Tired of being Tired .

Man I heard Lil baby say this shit in the club drunk and this all I can think about is how tired I am of being the guy that builds a woman up for another guy. Not even teaching her how to use her Pussy not but frfr this post finna be deep asf and transparent and I just moved into my new apartment so this the first installment of the PittsCarltonPosts . Imma start a new blog for it but anywho .

I am tired of building women up up man. I done dealt with all kind of women and being the stand up guy always got me tried like a lame Lol but some times it happens quick like I say some dope ass shit change their lives . Like alotta shorties I be dealing with be having real depression and self esteem problems and family issues type shit and I don’t even fucking know why I be falling so hard for these type shorties but idk it may be an energy spiritual thing according to my professor Dr. Black. but I get them and it’s like I really be instilling in them dope ass values just so that regardless of the amount of time it is it comes down to the fact that I’m not the guy for the job. And thats fine like fr like pick the nigga that makes your soul feel on fire if ion do that then don’t pick me Cuz I’m only picking somebody that does that for me but ion think I’ve ever felt the reciprocation of that . But back to it, these shorties be cutting they self sometimes, hating they own body, hating their own families, and out of a place of love I give them the tools they need to heal. but why do they act like they so damaged they can deal with a nigga then boom dealing with x amount of Niggas. I done grew away from the “oh she a hoe” paradigm when I stumbled upon hip hop feminism by Toni Cade Bambara (had to spell check I’m high and I ain’t gone cap like I’m the most scholar i fuck up say the wrong author all the time but the message) and she said something along the lines of “so what I wanna fuck niggas wear shit that show my ass and titties and stuff I like about patriarchy what makes me lesser of a woman because y’all living for niggas approval“ this the AP summary of that so go read it for y’all selves if y’all think I’m ignorant but like yeah ion think hoes exist anymore or that hoe is gender neutral but ion wanna be labeled as a hoe for the healing phased I went through when a queen dubbed me to let my mans cuff her up Lol niggas be hoes he ever stumble on this and read this and get mad I’ll slap his pussy ass but that’s whatever ion care . so ion think hoe is a thing . Choose who you wanna choose . But why not choose the nigga that showed and prove I was the most equipped for the job of the rest of your days ? Like even then when I was insecure about my self at the least you could’ve have done was love the person that saw the world in you back ya know ? You ain’t have to fuck all the niggas I’m close with , have me sitting in circles with these niggas and they just talk about you like you a piece of meat. Like you was God to me . and imagine praying over somebody daughters body crying cuz you want them to just be happy . am I supposed to keep being the person pushing for other people’s happiness even when they will get happy and don’t care about mine ? Lol like damn that shit stone cold blooded. And ion even know who reads this stuff y’all don’t like my posts to let me know but I am tired man . That’s why I just don’t even deal with things no more I’ll just say exactly what I wanna do with a woman like yeah we can fuck my dick bomb . Cuz it is but it’s a defense mechanism because I just don’t wanna let nobody in and they just leave and forget and the beautiful thing that changed them . I was finna put a metaphysical analysis together but nawl that shit gone make me millions and this why I write my feelings out cuz I'm gone turn everything y’all ever did to favor . yall are welcome for the thank you‘s I never got or did get and lost my faith in because you know y’all just used me for y’all own gain. Even though I kept it playa and never pulled the cards to show y’all was capped out the least y’all can do is act like I was good to you. Don’t treat me like I was the bad guy in any of these exchanges because y’all cut me deep. Ion cry about it ion vent or call y’all out y’all names on IG about it but just at least be a decent honest human being and know that I was more than what you needed. first thing first . Second , I always had the best intentions . To the women I expressed my wants for exclusivity and pursued that . The list of about 28 women out of 1000s from 15-25 don’t act like I wasn’t always planning to be a husband . in order to save face from looking like a fool for genuinely having the world waiting on you all , I had to be the rude guy that the world sees because how bad y’all did me was a cold case love boy that song by Rihanna just do something to me everytime cuz I feel it . And then she says “and I let you reach me one more time but that’s enough“ and the shit just make me wanna cry. cuz I would Prally still choose y’all and y’all would 9 times outta ten still cut me even deeper the first time.